What Doesn't Kill You
by maddy449
Summary: Rachel Berry wanted nothing more then to be wanted. She finally gives up and decides the world would be a better place without her. If only she would finally find a place where she could be wanted.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I've only started writing fictions and I would really appreciate feedback. I would just like to say, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I don't mind ideas or if you really don't like something in my plot feel free to mention it but don't say horrible things. I'm still learning so I hope you enjoy my stories. I've read tons of fanfictions and decided to give it a shot. This story represents the pain I've felt in my life from seeing friends being bullied or being bullied myself. Thanks.

I don't own glee or any of its characters!

What Doesn't Kill You.

Rachel Berry wasn't popular, She knew she would never be. She was special, In a good way at least that's what she thought. Then high school came and swept her off her feet. She was a target and literally too. She received slushies everyday of her life and no one said a thing. No one stomped their foot and rebel, no one spared a second glance, no one looked like they wanted to do a thing. That's just her life. She remembers everything they say or do. She never forgets, even though she forgives deep down inside she will remember that person, their face and what they did to destroy her life. Singing was like her safe haven, she just hoped no one would ever take that away from her.

She was sick of being called fat, ugly, Rupual, Manhands. What did she ever do to deserve it. Sure she has made a few mistakes and she may be loud and a bit obnoxious. She remembers the first day of high school when everyone stared, pointed and laughed at her like she had grown 2 heads. Sure she may not be the most fashionable of people but she was a human being too and she felt everything inside. It was like a kick to the gut every word they said. She just wanted to go back to the happy times. That's why she decided it was time to do everyone a favour. Time to take one last breath and say goodbye to the world. Perhaps the world would be a better place without her.

She just hoped that no one would forget her and she wouldn't go down without singing one last song. Taking one last breath. One Last touch. One last hug. It was time to say goodbye...

Author's Note: These chapters will get longer. This was just a taste of all the heart ache and drama that's about to come.

Please Review and all help would be appreciated especially. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I've only started writing fictions and I would really appreciate feedback. I would just like to say, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I don't mind ideas or if you really don't like something in my plot feel free to mention it but don't say horrible things. I'm still learning so I hope you enjoy my stories. I've read tons of fanfictions and decided to give it a shot. This story represents the pain I've felt in my life from seeing friends being bullied or being bullied myself. Thanks.**

**I don't own glee or any of its characters!**

**What Doesn't Kill You.**

* * *

Noah Puckerman had always felt sorry for Rachel Berry. Especially for all those slushies and for making her a prime target. He knew one way or another he'd make it up to her. Someway he hoped. He would never admit it but he had always had a thing for Rachel, Even when they first met at the park next to the temple. He knew she was the one and that's how they became close. Then high school came and he wanted nothing more to be popular and he knew one thing had to go and that was Rachel Berry. It pained him to see her reactions after slushies and after dumpster dives.

(Flashback):

_Noah ran excitedly to the park with his mother not far behind walking with his grandma. He didn't have a care in the world as he ran across a busy road. Just as he was about to cross without sparking a glance. A strong pair of arms pulled him back carrying him back to his mother. That's how they met the Berry's and they would always remember that day. "NOAH! You should of taken more care in crossing that road! You could of been killed Noah Puckerman" his mother angrily shouted making the boy sigh slightly. Noah's Mother looked up at the man who rescued her son and was incredibly thankful his kind act of generosity. "Thank you so much for saving him, May I ask what is your name?" Noah's mother stuttered, slightly overwhelmed._

(Flashback Over):

He smiled slightly remember the days when he could be Noah and not the boy he was at school. It was his mission to make it up to Rachel and he would never stop until she ran into his arms. He decided to seek help, a womanly touch perhaps. That's how he ended up talking to the woman who brought him into the world, his ma. "Ahh Noah, Where have you been? I've been waiting for you to come babysit your sister for 2 hours Noah. I almost got the sack". Noah sighed and hugged her. "I'm sorry Ma, I was just busy with uhh something at school. You know Football stuff". He couldn't believe how easily the lie slipped off his tongue. Then again his Ma read him like a book and could see right through him. Maria Puckerman chuckled, "Noah I was a teen too, I know it's girl troubles. Who is it this time Noah ? Better not be that whore Santana". Noah was gobsmacked his Ma never used language liked that but then again she was a Puckerman.

That's how Noah ended up standing in front of the glee club, guitar in hand smiling at Rachel Berry. Of course he looked like a fool but he couldn't care less. He just wanted Rachel Berry back and would do anything to complete that goal. As the sounds of the guitar filled the choir room he started singing

_Where it began, I can't begin to knowing But then I know it's growing strong was in the spring, And spring became the summer Who'd believe you'd come along_

He slowly made his way towards Rachel, circling her, showing his Puckerman smirk.

Hands, touching hands, reaching out Touching me, touching you, Oh sweet Caroline Good times never seem so good I've been inclined to believe it never would.

He could feel people staring at him and he understand how some of the gleeks felt, well almost after all he was badass. He knew Rachel was enjoying herself, she couldn't stop smiling. Finnessa however looked like a tomato, but then again why would he care about who Rachel dates ? They were broken up after all well he thought they were. Santana was giving him her typical death glare while Brittany being Brittany looked as clueless as per usual. Quinn thought he was crazy and Mercedes just looked at him while Kurt was too busy daydreaming to notice.

Breaking the awkward moment, Mr Schuester jumped up patting Puck's back and then went into a endless rant about some depressing thing, obviously about Miss Pillsbury. People always thought there was something going on with them 2. After another boring glee practise, Puck stayed behind to wait for Rachel to finally finish talking to Mr Schuester about song ideas for Sectionals. As Rachel grabbed her bag and walked to her locker to pick up some books for her English test she felt someone's presence behind her. She spun on her heel coming face to face with Noah Puckerman or he liked to be called Puck. She smiled and then spoke in a playful yet critical voice, "Well Noah, I must admit that was a magnificent rendition of Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline". She had a blush growing on her cheeks and would never admit it to anyone, not even Kurt or Mercedes. She always had a thing for Noah, It started when they first met each other at the local temple. Their friendship had grown until high school kicked in and he became Puck. She remembers the day he shaved some of his hair off for that Mohawk, she honestly thought he looked better with his old haircut but then again that was her opinion.

"So uhh Rachel would you like to hang at my place after school and help me babysit the brat?" She was blushing even more and all she could do was nod. Puck smiled at her, it was a genuine smile in fact the type of smile only Noah did. She couldn't remember the last time he had actually smiled at her like that. Puck was about to leave when he remembered something, "Okay I'll meet pick you up at 6, see you later Rachel". Rachel hadn't felt so happy in a long time, she felt as if she was finally getting her Noah back. People change she thought.

* * *

**The song was Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond which I obviously don't own.**

**Author's Note: I'd just like to let you know, that the chapters will grow longer and I will be able to update quite frequentlly since I'm Australian and now on a 2 week break.**

**I'd just like to thank these people for taking the time to review:**

**Princesakarlita411: Thank you for reviewing and I will be continuing this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for reading.**

**Vampire-BlackRose: I hope you enjoyed this update and further updates in the future. Thanks for taking your time to review and I hope you will continue to follow this story as it grows.**

**fatima343: Well I hope you enjoyed this current update and the updates in the future. Thanks for reading and reviewing this chapter. I hope I have your further support in the future.**

**Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter and review. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I've only started writing fictions and I would really appreciate feedback. I would just like to say, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I don't mind ideas or if you really don't like something in my plot feel free to mention it but don't say horrible things. I'm still learning so I hope you enjoy my stories. I've read tons of fan fictions and decided to give it a shot. This story represents the pain I've felt in my life from seeing friends being bullied or being bullied myself. Thanks.

I don't own glee or any of its characters!

What Doesn't Kill You.

Walking home, Rachel Berry felt like she was on cloud 9. She then remembered, soon she wouldn't be alive. She didn't want to hurt Noah so she decided to cancel. She spent the rest of the night preparing her last song and her death letters. She knew it was the right thing to do especially for her fathers and Noah. She thought of talking to a therapist but she was far behind being help now. No one could stop her...

She stared at her reflection in the mirror wondering what she had ever done wrong. Her parents were never around, she was hated by the whole school. Her mum had never wanted to meet her. She realised tonight would be the end of Rachel Berry. She layer candles around her bed with her letters in a pile and the camera turned on, she began to softly sing

Regrets collect like old friends  
Here to relive your darkest moments  
I can see no way, I can see no way And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh  
But I like to keep some things to myself  
I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind  
I can never leave the past behind  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
I'm always dragging that horse around

All of his questions, such a mournful sound  
Tonight I'm going to bury that horse in the ground  
So I like to keep my issues drawn  
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa  
Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa

It's hard to dance  
With a devil on your back  
So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart  
So tonight I'm going to cut it out and then restart  
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa  
Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa

It's hard to dance  
With a devil on your back  
So shake him off, oh whoa

And it's hard to dance  
With a devil on your back  
And given half the chance

Would I take any of it back?  
It's a final mess but it's left me so empty  
It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh whoa, oh whoa

And I'm damned if I do

And I'm damned if I don't

So here's to drinks in the dark

At the end of my road

And I'm ready to suffer

And I'm ready to hope

It's a shot in the dark

Aimed right at my throat

'Cause looking for heaven,

Found the devil in me  
Looking for heaven,  
Found the devil in me  
Well, what the hell  
I'm going to let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out,

Oh whoa  
Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out,  
Oh whoa

It's hard to dance  
With a devil on your back  
So shake him off, oh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa  
Shake it out, shake it out  
Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa

It's hard to dance  
With a devil on your back  
So shake him off, oh whoa

Rachel slowly takes a knife digging into her wrist

letting the blood flow smoothly.

. As the blood flows she smiles at the pain she feels, she starts to cry now thinking about Noah

She can't remember how she ended up in a hospital bed, all she remembers is the way it felt as the she cut her wrists. The way it made her feel as if she was releasing all her pain inside. Her head was killing her and when she looked where she was she realized something, she was in a mental institution. She was kicking and screaming, she didn't belong in here. The next thing she knew, a heap of doctors and staff barged in restraining her and stabbing a needle in her arm. She woke up later on to the sounds of familiar voices. She could recognize those voices anywhere. The glee clubs. She heard Mr. Schuester talking about how she was a bit ill and not her normal chipper self, he had no right to say that, he was the cause of the problem anyway.

She heard the voice of Noah though, that made her smile. She could smell his cologne a mile away. As he came down and sat on the bed he shed his own tears. If he had gotten there before she wouldn't be in this mess. Rachel reached her hand out to hold his, it felt right and it felt perfect. His hand fit perfectly with hers. She had a sudden change in thought though, why would he date a girl who tried to kill herself ? Why would he date a sick person who was probably going to spend her life in a mental intuition. She looked at Noah with a sad face then started to say with a weak voice, "Why would you even like a girl like me, I'm crazy Noah. I tried to kill myself". He reached over to her kissing her cheek, "Rach how could I not love you, no matter who or where you are I'll help you get through no matter what". Tears were trickling down her cheek as he said those words, she was glad after all she had survived.

¿CÓMO PODRÍA USTED NO ME DEJA VER A MI AMIGA, FUCK YOU, I WILL QUE USTED. They heard Santana outside and truly feared for the nurse. Then it hit her, why would Santana care about her at all. She was the main problem. Deciding to not over think things she nodded for Noah to let Santana in. It made Santana's heart break at the sight of Rachel. She looked even smaller in the bed. She couldn't take much more of it and all she could do was hug the small diva and quickly get out of the room.

After a week in this place, Rachel was sick of it. Her doctor told her she was able to go in a month or so but she didn't think she could handle it. The only thing that was keeping her sane at the time was Noah, he seemed to be keep his distance though and spending time with Santana. She was never a Santana Lopez, in fact Santana Lopez would never be in this mess. She wasn't hot, sexy or popular like Santana, she didn't have looks that people would kill for like Quinn Fabray. She was dirt compared to those girls and it doesn't take a scientist to say that. She wasn't all that shocked her fathers hadn't returned to see her, she hadn't seen them for a year or so. What surprised her the most was when some from The child protection payed a visit, they told her that her fathers were unfit parents and that her fathers rights were now being handed over to her birth mother, the one who left her. Her name was Shelby Corcoran.

When she woke up the next morning, she was gobsmacked. There in front of her was her mother. She wanted nothing more than her mother and she couldn't believe it. She was so excited that week as well since she was moving in with her mother. She stared at her mother for a while before her mother spoke "Did you know Gold Stars Are Kind Of My Thing ?" She said glancing at Rachel's pyjamas which her friends had brought her from home. She finally realised where she got her singing genes from. She smiled at her mother as Shelby made her way towards Rachel. She sat down on the edge of Rachel's bed and began "Rachel You know I love you right and when I signed up for the surrogacy I never wanted nothing more than to be your mother". Her mother started to cry a bit now as she explained the rules and the contract of the surrogacy. Rachel finally felt loved now and when she went home for the first time she felt great however there was one problem still worrying her. Noah Puckerman was the problem.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: I've only started writing fictions and I would really appreciate feedback. I would just like to say, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I don't mind ideas or if you really don't like something in my plot feel free to mention it but don't say horrible things. I'm still learning so I hope you enjoy my stories. I've read tons of fan fictions and decided to give it a shot. This story represents the pain I've felt in my life from seeing friends being bullied or being bullied myself. Thanks.**

**I don't own glee or any of its characters!**

**What Doesn't Kill You.**

Noah Puckerman had felt like shit these past days, he hadn't been purposely avoiding Rachel. He just couldn't get that image out of his head finding her on the floor lifeless... He remembered the way she looked that day attempted to kill herself, so preppy and cheerful as per usual, accept he swear he had seen her eyes full of pain and heart ache. Then he realised she had died inside just a little bit with every word said to her. He needed to see her though, He swore on this day forward he would protect and Rachel Berry until the day he died.

He heard from Kurt that Rachel had finally moved in with her mother which rather shocked him to be honest. He knew Shelby Corcoran was scary and he would never admit this but he was scared. He slowly raised his fist banging against the cold wooden door and felt like his life was in slow motion as he came face to face with the one and only coach Corcoran. She made almost made him piss his pants except Badasses don't piss their pants so he awkwardly greeted her with a "Uhh Hi Miss Corcoran, can I uhh see Rachel ? " Shelby smirked at him knowing she had obviously scared him and looked towards a staircase, "Third door on the right, Noah." He clambered up the stairs busting to get away from Shelby's death glare. He knocked against the hard door hoping she'd give him a chance to explain.

He heard Rachel's footsteps as she made her way to the door, opening it slightly and then sighed slowly letting him in. She looked different from before the accident. Now she had dark circles under her eyes and her hair looked dead and greasy. He was surprised that she hadn't been taking care of herself no wait he was surprised of how Shelby hadn't done a single thing to help Rachel. If it was him he'd force her to take care of her hair and to get some sleep no matter what it took to make sure Rachel was happy. He decided to break the awkward silence between Rachel and himself, "Look Rachel I'm sorry I stopped visiting, it just killed me every second of being in that room seeing you so lifeless and heartbroken." He looked at her intently waiting for her reaction but all he got was a lost girl who looked so broken, it pained him to see her like this so he decided action needed to be taken. He made his way over to Rachel who was staring down at her lap on her bed, he slowly lifted her up wrapping her in his arms. He knew she needed this and he honestly didn't give a shit about his reputation, he just wanted Rachel to get better or at least back to her healthy state.

He knew Rachel needed air so he decided to take her to a special place where his father always took him after work, he was only 10 when his father had left him and he always blamed himself for his departure every day. As they made their way to his usual spot near a small lake, he spotted father's and their children playing with small novelty boats in the water, he couldn't help but think of his own father and how they used to play on the swing set for hours or how his old man taught him how to play football. He pushed those thoughts out of the way to focus on Rachel because she needed more help than he did at the moment. He pulled out a small picnic rug and laded it on the green grass, taking in the fresh air. "Rachel you do know I love you more than a friend right, the only reason I was with Santana was because we both couldn't stand you like this." Rachel glanced up him with a tearful look, "I love you Rachel and I will never stop loving you, will you be my girlfriend Rachel?" She couldn't believe it, not only had Noah admitted he liked her wait loved her more than a friend he wanted her to be his girlfriend.

He pulled out his guitar and straight away she knew what song he was playing and decided to sing along,

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

Reaching' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

He stared into her eyes now looked for the door to her soul and sung,

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

She was actually smiling and had felt a lot more happier then she 'd felt in a while.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

He pulled her onto his lap and swayed with her making her laugh a lot now, this brought a big small to his face.

woaaah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now.

She looked at him and smiled and he Noah couldn't help but kiss her, it felt special and a lot different to all the other girls he'd kissed. In fact it felt like fireworks and now he understood what people talked about. He never wanted to lose Rachel and he knew what to do.

"Rachel I've been thinking, Would you like to go on a date with me Friday night?" She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, "of course Noah, I'd love to." She smiled at him again and he pulled her up wrapping up the picnic blanket and loaded everything including his guitar in the truck.

As they made their way back to Shelby 's place Noah gently kissed Rachel on the lips as he walked up to the door, she gave him a quick peck on the lips and was excited for their date, "Thankyou Noah for a wonderful time, I haven't felt so good in a long time." He smiled at her and waited until Rachel got inside and didn't miss the thankful look from Shelby.

**Author's Note: I'm incredibly sorry for this long update, it's just that I'm not sure whether to continue this story or not and I've also had a horrible case of writer's block. If you have any ideas please let me know. The song was Need You Now originally by, Lady Antebellum. I don't own glee or any of its characters.**

**I'd also like to thank these lovely people:**

**Vampir3-S3duction: I'm sorry you feel confused and I hope this chapter explains it to you.**

**Princesakarlita411: Thanks for suggesting that idea of everyone's P.O.V and I've decided to use Puck's P.O.V I hope you still continue to support my story and I'm really thankful for your reviews.**

**Yours sincerely Madi, Please tell me what you liked and didn't like, Please review as well. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: I've only started writing fictions and I would really appreciate feedback. I would just like to say, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I don't mind ideas or if you really don't like something in my plot feel free to mention it but don't say horrible things. I'm still learning so I hope you enjoy my stories. I've read tons of fan fictions and decided to give it a shot. This story represents the pain I've felt in my life from seeing friends being bullied or being bullied myself. Thanks.

I don't own glee or any of its characters!

What Doesn't Kill You.

Author's Note: I'm not sure whether to continue this story honestly, Is this even good or is it just all babble junk ? I'm not really sure whether to continue because I've also got writer's block with a blank mind. If you have any ideas please let me know because they would really help ALOT! Yours sincerely,

Maddi.


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